the beginning of the end, and to a new beginning

If that makes any sense...

So update time! Basically I'm almost all clear for any kinds of foods - I started eating clementines last week which is a big deal, because up til last week I wasn't allowed to eat "sour"/acidic foods. I've been tolerating pretty well, praise God! I've also had hot pot last week, which I know is kind of early, but I LOVE hot pot, especially my mommy's sauce with stinky tofu and shachajiang and other stuff. TOP SECRET haha. She accidentally made it really spicy the first time, and I had some - but it didn't hurt my tummy. (Though I'm sure it would have, if I kept it up...I'm sure) So that means I can tolerate a little bit of spicy and acidic now, which is a big deal.

Once I get my immunization shots, then I can go out and hopefully eat a hamburger! Yay!
Oh I made some more food, that I have pictures for.I tried to make some french toast with bacon and raspberries for my brother one morning.
And I made some steak and mashed potatoes for dinner once. Yummy! I overcooked it though...but I can't have like bloody meat so, I guess I have an excuse...

Also, last Saturday, I went "mountain" climbing at Eno River State Park. I think the highest point there was 700 feet, which I suppose is a mini-mountain in this state. I made it almost to the top of the 700 feet, but GOSH, climbing up that steep of a mountain was very difficult for me. BUT I ALMOST MADE IT! I walked like two miles, about, that day - that's pretty good for me now! I have some pictures. It was very beautiful...I'm so happy when I don't have to be stuck at home, it's really depressing being home all the time.
The suspension bridge at the Eno River - very freaaaky!
The river!, before climbing up the big stinky, steep mountain. I look terrible. yuuucky.

Oh I went to adventure landing to play a while back, I think I mentioned it. Here's go carts!
Yay for fun!
<3

Falllllll

Three cheers for fall, officially. Since a week ago, it was too hot to actually be fall - autumn, whatever you wish to call it. I'm happy with the weather. Very nice and cool, very windy, very good.

So I think I'm going to stop this blog after I turn immunologically 1, because really, my life is pretty boring. I'm going to go work on my other blog after this.

Update time! So basically for all of you who are wondering, I don't get any more treatments, I'm recovering very nicely. I do go to the bone marrow clinic occasionally to get checkups. Soon I will get my immunization shots, then I'll be like a free bird! I'm hoping to visit friends at UNC, go back to church, and join AO for as long as I'm going to be here, and do other fun things...like GO TO THE LIBRARY!...hahaha because I'm a nerd. Sigh.

I've been taking walks every morning and night, always avoiding the sun of course, and it's been quite tiring. I still get tired very easily, and I occasionally forget to take my pills. My brain just isn't what it was before.

But to the request of my dear, lovely friend who reads this ever so faithfully, here are some pictures of those Momofuku pork buns, and some canto styled bbq pork ribs (no I'm not Cantonese...). They turned out DELISH. I guess I'm a natural born cook (wink wink) - haha, just kidding.


These are baked pork belly with hoisin sauce and pickles/cucumbers fresh, with scallions. YUMMMY. David Chang is genius.
Broiled bbq pork ribs.

No pictures of the mustard and pork belly sorrrry.
Maybe I'll update pictures later if I ever get to cooking again. Cooking is tiring for me, standing around, mixing stuff and all that. I had to like sit at the table and mix the flour and stuff for the pork buns. SO WEAK.

I'm gaining weight! Mostly from eating all this junk, ha.

So yeah, I don't think I want to transfer. I think it's funny how most of the UChicago students are telling me I shouldn't and all the adults here are telling me I should. I just really don't feel like God is directing me towards UNC or Duke or whatever else. I mean I asked Him to give me a notable sign if I should transfer, but so far nothing.

Now my dad is going crazy about wanting to find a job in Chicago and moving the whole family there, HA. That will never work because my family hates the cold. My mom is already complaining about the weather here, and it's not even below 50 yet. Oi.

Well, ta ta until next time!
<3

Let's be interactive here...

Hello faithful readers!
Thanks again for actually caring about my boring, and do I mean boring. But I suppose I try to make it sound more exciting for you, out there, reading.

I have a wonderful idea, it's almost like the enlightenment of blogging - like the renaissance of blogging! How about all you dear readers, if you have time because I know your life is much more eventful than mine, leave me comments! Then I feel like I am actually talking to someone.

I was thinking about this because recently my parents have gotten even more aggressive with their "suggestions" at transferring school for next year. In fact they offered to buy me a new car if I agree to such prosperous (or maybe not?) idea. Here's how the conversation kind of went:

Mom or Dad: "You should transfer schools because that way we can barge in on you anytime we like and make sure you stay a baby and dependent on us forever - and so that we can regulate you're every move and therefore you will no longer have any freedom...MWAHAHAHA
(translate: you should transfer schools so we can take care of you so you wont get sick from stressing out too much and we can make you food -even if chinatown's restaurant food is much better- and you'll be closer to home so we can visit you and you can come home every weekend!)"
Me: "No."
Mom or Dad (see I don't remember the details): "If you go to school here, we can buy you a new car!"
Me: "Ha.ha. That's funny. I want a BMW."
Dad (it was def him): "That can be worked out!"
Me (staring in disbelief): "Um, no it can't. We don't have any money..."
Dad: "We can borrow money!"
Me: "WE'RE ALREADY IN DEBT!!!"

I forgot what my dad said, but it was stupidly optimistic...haha. Three things I conclude from this: 1. My parents are clearly desperate/love me too much to be even offering this (and yes it is in earnest, not in a joking way) 2. I think I rather have a Mustang, in classic red, just like the good ol Chinese I am 3. Bribes are very good at convincing me to change my stubborn mind - which would make me a terrible court judge or jury or whatever (ha!).

But now I have a good reason to transfer (a car!) and a reason to NEVER transfer (we clearly don't have money to buy some ridiculous new car, or even a used one). Of course Uchicago is like 10 times more expensive than UNC, but I get some grant money...sigh. There are pros and cons to everything.
Which is why I would appreciate your comments :) Tell me what you think please.

On the other hand, I've been working on my cooking. I've semi mastered the taste of meicaikourou (which dried preserved mustard and bork belly, poached), the first time I put too much sugar, following the recipe. I realized this is because I am following a Cantonese person's cookbook, and apparently they love their sugar. It still looks like doggie doo, but tastes pretty good :) Then I tried some barbecue pork ribs, broiled yesterday night. ERM!! I don't know how to use a broiler, so I charred one side of it before realizing I should have used the LOW setting instead of the HIGH. I also used too much Hoisin (that's haixian for the rest of us Chinese) sauce...again following the recipe. I did use my brain and pre-cut the amount of honey I used (thank goodness!!). Anyways cooking is much fun! Soon I hope to learn how to make Beijing duck. SOOOOO excited! Yay.

Well, I guess it's karma.

Now that I have officially established that I fail at keeping updates on my blog, I think I have managed to lose most of my readers...right at the time I decided to reform. Oh well, here goes to talking to myself, and the emptiness of the world wide web. Cheers.

So...lately I've been thinking about how weird it is, my position in life...or my life in general. In terms of years, technically I'm 20 years old, physically (organ wise) I'm like 50 years old because of all the wear and tear of treatment, immunologically I'm not even 1 years old, and emotionally I sometimes feel like an 8 year old, sometimes an 80 year old.

GOSH. Now how does that work out? I mean sure there are people who are like "child at heart" or like "too mature for their age" or whatever the cliche is, but this is ridiculous.

I just wanted to post about this because I find it really, really odd. That's all.

Oh yeah. I'm going through STEROID withdraw. All good citizens refrain from calling the police to rat me out, all policemen refrain from jumping into your little nifty alarm capable, blue and white cars and racing over to my house - it was prescribed. Whew. I mean after all I'm not a baseball player, nor am I a woman seeking to look like a man (do I need help in that apartment... NO. And yes I do remember all those nasty little fiends that said "Oh Sarah, you're soooooo MANLY" in high school. But don't worry, because Jesus forgave me, I forgive you as well. OTHERWISE, you might be in trouble...mwahaha...).

So no I am not either of those, I am just a sick person who's body became addicted to steroids. Now, steroid withdraw comes with nasty little side effects like muscle ache, and overall body discomfort. Fun fact: it's because cortisol (fight or flight hormone) (which is apparently in steroids) is naturally produced, but when the body has outside sources of it, its adrenal glands stop producing it on its own. So when I stopped taking my steroids, as ordered by doctor, my adrenal glands have yet to wake up and start producing hormones again. So, the conclusion is, I feel yucky and awful (not quite the same thing) for a few days. Well it's been 5, but hey who's counting? Hopefully misery will be over soon! Always hopeful!
<3

***OPPS. I guess cortisol isn't the actual fight or flight hormone (my physician lied to me!), it's the other thing that the adrenal gland produces. But cortisol is increased during fight or flight...Anyways I don't know what is in steroids...so I Googled it. Here's what I got from http://www.marvistavet.com/html/body_prednisone.html "Prednisone and prednisolone are members of the glucocorticoid class of hormones. This means they are steroids but, unlike the anabolic steroids that we hear about regarding sports medicine, these are "catabolic" steroids. Instead of building the body up, they are designed to break down stored resources (fats, sugars and proteins) so that they may be used as fuels in times of stress. Cortisone would be an example of a related hormone with which most people are familiar. Glucocorticoids hormones are produced naturally by the adrenal glands to prepare us metabolically for physical exercise and stress."

We learn new things everyday!

I fail at keeping a blog...

Well hello people.

My dad stopped his little calender, and I think there are still some people who want to read my blog updates (or at least one, which is I suppose, enough reason for me to continue).

It's been 9 months! I can't believe it. I hope that I get a yummy cake on December 11th, for my 1st year birthday - haha. My mom's birthday is coming up next month, as well as my parents 21st anniversary! I got my mom some face products from Sephora.

I sometimes wonder what my mom was like when she was my age, and how she turned out the way she did. I think as we kids grow older, our parents grow wiser (haha).

There's not much to update really. Since the last time I updated, I finished 6 seasons of House because I'm an official loser. I've reduced my pill intake to only two a day (one type of pill - antiviral). I ordered these two awesome cookbooks and am working my way through them one at a time. And then yesterday I watched "Julie&Julia", which I was quite inspired by. Though I am not cooking through Julia Child's cookbook (since the ones I ordered are Asian food: Chinese one, and Momofuku) it's kind of cool to see someone journal their journey through something. I've always had the problem that Julia Powell did - and that is starting projects with full force then never finishing them. Take for example, my novel (ha.ha...) which I wrote 60 something pages to, and just left it there, TWICE. Actually the first time I wrote it, I left it at almost 100 pages, but then I decided it sucked, so I started over from page 1 and wrote 60. I think I will start another blog for my writing, so that I can actually achieve something, other than wasting my time.
Actually, I already have another blog set up for creative writing, but obviously, I suck at blogging, so it's been left abandoned.

Well overall, my health is getting better, I take longer walks now, and can ALMOST jog constantly for a short time. My weight has reached 115 lbs, which is a lot better than the 109 lbs it was a month, or so, ago. I have more energy and have been skipping my afternoon naps, sometimes. And I miss human interaction...haha. I feel like I'm a caveman or something. Or a houseman...since I live in a house, not a cave (har har).

I'm very excited about the new health law, yay for better health insurance! I'll try to do weekly updates on this blog, for those few who read it :) I'm actually really surprised people would want to read my blog, I feel like blogging is so narcissistic...unless it had a specific point to it. I suppose this is my "health/post transplant" blog...haha.

<3

woooa...schools around the corner - for most of you

so that sore throat of mine became a flow blown sore throat along with fever and all that...i was put on two new pills for a while, but now am coming off of them again (one was an anti fungal, one was an antiviral). i got a shot this two mondays ago, to boost my red blood cell growth, so they can take a unit of blood away again next time to reduce my iron levels. except when i went for a checkup this past monday, they decided that they weren't going to draw any more of my blood, and just let my iron levels lower themselves. just this past week i've been feeling all nauseous, and have been vomiting from friday middle of the night to during the day time, a total of 4 times, then again starting saturday middle of the night, vomiting two times. i went to the clinic, got an abdominal xray and apparently there wasn't anything wrong besides "a lot of poop" aka i was constipated and hurting from that. oh did i mention i was in A LOT of belly pain and was taking a lot of pain medication (which was increasing my constipation...ironic isnt it?).

but that still doesn't explain the nausea, which i still have right now. i think it was the shot. usually the epo has reactions within 3 days, but this shot's formula is slower acting...so the side effects are showing up now...2 weeks later. SIGH. it is not comfortable. but at least this time around i get 2 months break, before i have to go back to the clinic again! YAY! thanks for all the prayers! hopefully this will be a good 2 months (as soon as this nausea goes away...).

i think the weather lately has been terrible. i don't like hot and muggy...i don't see how i survived so many years of north carolina weather - heh. i suppose i wouldn't mind it so much if i liked wearing little clothing or what not, but i'm not too into that either - i'm a big fan of layer and knits - so i suppose chicago was a good choice for me.

i did, however, enjoy the rain, very much.

in between all of those discomforting days, i had a good week (or so). my good friend, cindy wei, came over to my house to stay for a few days. we went to see despicable me at the theaters (matinee of course, when no one was there...thought actually - surprisingly - there were a lot of people there on a sunday afternoon PEOPLE GO TO CHURCH!!!...i still can't - irony again). we watched a lot of HOUSE md, and other random, useless things.

you know what i've discovered...you know how we're told to read the Bible everyday, and sometimes you just don't feel like it (or rather, i'll speak for myself, i don't feel like it) or i feel like "oh i'm too busy now, i'll do it later". but recently i've been feeling none of those excuse, but one of another genre. the one that goes "what new thing can i get out of the bible anyways, i've read it so many times" and "what if what i read today doesn't even really apply to my life" (i asked that a lot while reading through jeremiah...and am now stuck in lamentations...) but yesterday night i had a revelation, while watching House (which I do almost religiously now). i realized why, so many years ago, i gave up watching horror movies - it was because a youth group leader (i forgot her name) told me once that whatever you take in is whatever you put out. whether that's food, what what you watch or what you read, or the people that you hang out with. well, last night, as i was watching house, i realized that i've made HOUSE my bible almost, i listen to his words, what he says and does, and praise him for his actions in the show more than i read God's words, listen to what He says, studies what He did in the past and is doing in the present, and praise God for who He is. So it's like people saying "i've made money my God/idol" or whatever, I've been substituting other things for God - not on purpose of course. But just the sheer frequency and amount of time i spend with Dr. Gregory House, as opposed to reading the Bible and speading time with God. I think, even if I don't get anything out of it IMMEDIATELY, it will still have an effect, just like all the other things i am putting into my head will.

anyways, having said that i still need help getting through lamentations and a few of the other prophets, haha. working on it though!

well i suppose i'll update later. have a good HOT HOT day!
<3

sugar and spice, and all things nice

that does well to describe how my birthday weekend went. i was flattered with the presence of two groups of friends, one on friday night (my actual birthday) and one on saturday night. and endowed with many gifts including Life, the game of (though of course it is a good remind of another year of life...itself) bubble gum machine, cake (the carrot variety as well as the chocolate, and i want more cake!!) make up, yay it always makes me happy to be able to paint my face, and lots and lots of balloons. tehe almost like in UP. but not enough to lift heavy (or not so) little me up skyward.

anyhows it was a good birthday. thank you all who made it ever so special and to my wonderful parents and my overly excited brother who, i think, was mostly excited about getting cake. haha. and for playing taboo with me :D because i like playing games.

um. reminds me of my card playing days back in high school....

anyways. i got my cathater pulled out of my chest the other day, reduced the number of pills so i only have to take 3 instead of the assortment that would make even a grandmother in a retirement home proud, or queasy. um. all in all God has provided faithfully and beyond imagination, and has made becoming 20 a very good thing. i suppose turning 19 was not too bad either, but it was in a hospital...

anyways yesterday i developed a sore throat...umm... hope it's not what a sore throat usually means. ugh. having a good time playing monopoly with my brother and father, who insists on not buying property and losing very badly... oh well. this is why he's not in business - haha! joking.

nothing much to this update really. just thanks for all the friends who came, to my parents for putting up with me, and for the friends in chicago who sent me love and for not forgetting me (even though i've been gone for quite a long time) and for all the people still praying for me!
<3