Now that I have officially established that I fail at keeping updates on my blog, I think I have managed to lose most of my readers...right at the time I decided to reform. Oh well, here goes to talking to myself, and the emptiness of the world wide web. Cheers.
So...lately I've been thinking about how weird it is, my position in life...or my life in general. In terms of years, technically I'm 20 years old, physically (organ wise) I'm like 50 years old because of all the wear and tear of treatment, immunologically I'm not even 1 years old, and emotionally I sometimes feel like an 8 year old, sometimes an 80 year old.
GOSH. Now how does that work out? I mean sure there are people who are like "child at heart" or like "too mature for their age" or whatever the cliche is, but this is ridiculous.
I just wanted to post about this because I find it really, really odd. That's all.
Oh yeah. I'm going through STEROID withdraw. All good citizens refrain from calling the police to rat me out, all policemen refrain from jumping into your little nifty alarm capable, blue and white cars and racing over to my house - it was prescribed. Whew. I mean after all I'm not a baseball player, nor am I a woman seeking to look like a man (do I need help in that apartment... NO. And yes I do remember all those nasty little fiends that said "Oh Sarah, you're soooooo MANLY" in high school. But don't worry, because Jesus forgave me, I forgive you as well. OTHERWISE, you might be in trouble...mwahaha...).
So no I am not either of those, I am just a sick person who's body became addicted to steroids. Now, steroid withdraw comes with nasty little side effects like muscle ache, and overall body discomfort. Fun fact: it's because cortisol (fight or flight hormone) (which is apparently in steroids) is naturally produced, but when the body has outside sources of it, its adrenal glands stop producing it on its own. So when I stopped taking my steroids, as ordered by doctor, my adrenal glands have yet to wake up and start producing hormones again. So, the conclusion is, I feel yucky and awful (not quite the same thing) for a few days. Well it's been 5, but hey who's counting? Hopefully misery will be over soon! Always hopeful!
<3
***OPPS. I guess cortisol isn't the actual fight or flight hormone (my physician lied to me!), it's the other thing that the adrenal gland produces. But cortisol is increased during fight or flight...Anyways I don't know what is in steroids...so I Googled it. Here's what I got from http://www.marvistavet.com/html/body_prednisone.html "Prednisone and prednisolone are members of the glucocorticoid class of hormones. This means they are steroids but, unlike the anabolic steroids that we hear about regarding sports medicine, these are "catabolic" steroids. Instead of building the body up, they are designed to break down stored resources (fats, sugars and proteins) so that they may be used as fuels in times of stress. Cortisone would be an example of a related hormone with which most people are familiar. Glucocorticoids hormones are produced naturally by the adrenal glands to prepare us metabolically for physical exercise and stress."
We learn new things everyday!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I fail at keeping a blog...
Well hello people.
My dad stopped his little calender, and I think there are still some people who want to read my blog updates (or at least one, which is I suppose, enough reason for me to continue).
It's been 9 months! I can't believe it. I hope that I get a yummy cake on December 11th, for my 1st year birthday - haha. My mom's birthday is coming up next month, as well as my parents 21st anniversary! I got my mom some face products from Sephora.
I sometimes wonder what my mom was like when she was my age, and how she turned out the way she did. I think as we kids grow older, our parents grow wiser (haha).
There's not much to update really. Since the last time I updated, I finished 6 seasons of House because I'm an official loser. I've reduced my pill intake to only two a day (one type of pill - antiviral). I ordered these two awesome cookbooks and am working my way through them one at a time. And then yesterday I watched "Julie&Julia", which I was quite inspired by. Though I am not cooking through Julia Child's cookbook (since the ones I ordered are Asian food: Chinese one, and Momofuku) it's kind of cool to see someone journal their journey through something. I've always had the problem that Julia Powell did - and that is starting projects with full force then never finishing them. Take for example, my novel (ha.ha...) which I wrote 60 something pages to, and just left it there, TWICE. Actually the first time I wrote it, I left it at almost 100 pages, but then I decided it sucked, so I started over from page 1 and wrote 60. I think I will start another blog for my writing, so that I can actually achieve something, other than wasting my time.
Actually, I already have another blog set up for creative writing, but obviously, I suck at blogging, so it's been left abandoned.
Well overall, my health is getting better, I take longer walks now, and can ALMOST jog constantly for a short time. My weight has reached 115 lbs, which is a lot better than the 109 lbs it was a month, or so, ago. I have more energy and have been skipping my afternoon naps, sometimes. And I miss human interaction...haha. I feel like I'm a caveman or something. Or a houseman...since I live in a house, not a cave (har har).
I'm very excited about the new health law, yay for better health insurance! I'll try to do weekly updates on this blog, for those few who read it :) I'm actually really surprised people would want to read my blog, I feel like blogging is so narcissistic...unless it had a specific point to it. I suppose this is my "health/post transplant" blog...haha.
<3
My dad stopped his little calender, and I think there are still some people who want to read my blog updates (or at least one, which is I suppose, enough reason for me to continue).
It's been 9 months! I can't believe it. I hope that I get a yummy cake on December 11th, for my 1st year birthday - haha. My mom's birthday is coming up next month, as well as my parents 21st anniversary! I got my mom some face products from Sephora.
I sometimes wonder what my mom was like when she was my age, and how she turned out the way she did. I think as we kids grow older, our parents grow wiser (haha).
There's not much to update really. Since the last time I updated, I finished 6 seasons of House because I'm an official loser. I've reduced my pill intake to only two a day (one type of pill - antiviral). I ordered these two awesome cookbooks and am working my way through them one at a time. And then yesterday I watched "Julie&Julia", which I was quite inspired by. Though I am not cooking through Julia Child's cookbook (since the ones I ordered are Asian food: Chinese one, and Momofuku) it's kind of cool to see someone journal their journey through something. I've always had the problem that Julia Powell did - and that is starting projects with full force then never finishing them. Take for example, my novel (ha.ha...) which I wrote 60 something pages to, and just left it there, TWICE. Actually the first time I wrote it, I left it at almost 100 pages, but then I decided it sucked, so I started over from page 1 and wrote 60. I think I will start another blog for my writing, so that I can actually achieve something, other than wasting my time.
Actually, I already have another blog set up for creative writing, but obviously, I suck at blogging, so it's been left abandoned.
Well overall, my health is getting better, I take longer walks now, and can ALMOST jog constantly for a short time. My weight has reached 115 lbs, which is a lot better than the 109 lbs it was a month, or so, ago. I have more energy and have been skipping my afternoon naps, sometimes. And I miss human interaction...haha. I feel like I'm a caveman or something. Or a houseman...since I live in a house, not a cave (har har).
I'm very excited about the new health law, yay for better health insurance! I'll try to do weekly updates on this blog, for those few who read it :) I'm actually really surprised people would want to read my blog, I feel like blogging is so narcissistic...unless it had a specific point to it. I suppose this is my "health/post transplant" blog...haha.
<3
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
woooa...schools around the corner - for most of you
so that sore throat of mine became a flow blown sore throat along with fever and all that...i was put on two new pills for a while, but now am coming off of them again (one was an anti fungal, one was an antiviral). i got a shot this two mondays ago, to boost my red blood cell growth, so they can take a unit of blood away again next time to reduce my iron levels. except when i went for a checkup this past monday, they decided that they weren't going to draw any more of my blood, and just let my iron levels lower themselves. just this past week i've been feeling all nauseous, and have been vomiting from friday middle of the night to during the day time, a total of 4 times, then again starting saturday middle of the night, vomiting two times. i went to the clinic, got an abdominal xray and apparently there wasn't anything wrong besides "a lot of poop" aka i was constipated and hurting from that. oh did i mention i was in A LOT of belly pain and was taking a lot of pain medication (which was increasing my constipation...ironic isnt it?).
but that still doesn't explain the nausea, which i still have right now. i think it was the shot. usually the epo has reactions within 3 days, but this shot's formula is slower acting...so the side effects are showing up now...2 weeks later. SIGH. it is not comfortable. but at least this time around i get 2 months break, before i have to go back to the clinic again! YAY! thanks for all the prayers! hopefully this will be a good 2 months (as soon as this nausea goes away...).
i think the weather lately has been terrible. i don't like hot and muggy...i don't see how i survived so many years of north carolina weather - heh. i suppose i wouldn't mind it so much if i liked wearing little clothing or what not, but i'm not too into that either - i'm a big fan of layer and knits - so i suppose chicago was a good choice for me.
i did, however, enjoy the rain, very much.
in between all of those discomforting days, i had a good week (or so). my good friend, cindy wei, came over to my house to stay for a few days. we went to see despicable me at the theaters (matinee of course, when no one was there...thought actually - surprisingly - there were a lot of people there on a sunday afternoon PEOPLE GO TO CHURCH!!!...i still can't - irony again). we watched a lot of HOUSE md, and other random, useless things.
you know what i've discovered...you know how we're told to read the Bible everyday, and sometimes you just don't feel like it (or rather, i'll speak for myself, i don't feel like it) or i feel like "oh i'm too busy now, i'll do it later". but recently i've been feeling none of those excuse, but one of another genre. the one that goes "what new thing can i get out of the bible anyways, i've read it so many times" and "what if what i read today doesn't even really apply to my life" (i asked that a lot while reading through jeremiah...and am now stuck in lamentations...) but yesterday night i had a revelation, while watching House (which I do almost religiously now). i realized why, so many years ago, i gave up watching horror movies - it was because a youth group leader (i forgot her name) told me once that whatever you take in is whatever you put out. whether that's food, what what you watch or what you read, or the people that you hang out with. well, last night, as i was watching house, i realized that i've made HOUSE my bible almost, i listen to his words, what he says and does, and praise him for his actions in the show more than i read God's words, listen to what He says, studies what He did in the past and is doing in the present, and praise God for who He is. So it's like people saying "i've made money my God/idol" or whatever, I've been substituting other things for God - not on purpose of course. But just the sheer frequency and amount of time i spend with Dr. Gregory House, as opposed to reading the Bible and speading time with God. I think, even if I don't get anything out of it IMMEDIATELY, it will still have an effect, just like all the other things i am putting into my head will.
anyways, having said that i still need help getting through lamentations and a few of the other prophets, haha. working on it though!
well i suppose i'll update later. have a good HOT HOT day!
<3
but that still doesn't explain the nausea, which i still have right now. i think it was the shot. usually the epo has reactions within 3 days, but this shot's formula is slower acting...so the side effects are showing up now...2 weeks later. SIGH. it is not comfortable. but at least this time around i get 2 months break, before i have to go back to the clinic again! YAY! thanks for all the prayers! hopefully this will be a good 2 months (as soon as this nausea goes away...).
i think the weather lately has been terrible. i don't like hot and muggy...i don't see how i survived so many years of north carolina weather - heh. i suppose i wouldn't mind it so much if i liked wearing little clothing or what not, but i'm not too into that either - i'm a big fan of layer and knits - so i suppose chicago was a good choice for me.
i did, however, enjoy the rain, very much.
in between all of those discomforting days, i had a good week (or so). my good friend, cindy wei, came over to my house to stay for a few days. we went to see despicable me at the theaters (matinee of course, when no one was there...thought actually - surprisingly - there were a lot of people there on a sunday afternoon PEOPLE GO TO CHURCH!!!...i still can't - irony again). we watched a lot of HOUSE md, and other random, useless things.
you know what i've discovered...you know how we're told to read the Bible everyday, and sometimes you just don't feel like it (or rather, i'll speak for myself, i don't feel like it) or i feel like "oh i'm too busy now, i'll do it later". but recently i've been feeling none of those excuse, but one of another genre. the one that goes "what new thing can i get out of the bible anyways, i've read it so many times" and "what if what i read today doesn't even really apply to my life" (i asked that a lot while reading through jeremiah...and am now stuck in lamentations...) but yesterday night i had a revelation, while watching House (which I do almost religiously now). i realized why, so many years ago, i gave up watching horror movies - it was because a youth group leader (i forgot her name) told me once that whatever you take in is whatever you put out. whether that's food, what what you watch or what you read, or the people that you hang out with. well, last night, as i was watching house, i realized that i've made HOUSE my bible almost, i listen to his words, what he says and does, and praise him for his actions in the show more than i read God's words, listen to what He says, studies what He did in the past and is doing in the present, and praise God for who He is. So it's like people saying "i've made money my God/idol" or whatever, I've been substituting other things for God - not on purpose of course. But just the sheer frequency and amount of time i spend with Dr. Gregory House, as opposed to reading the Bible and speading time with God. I think, even if I don't get anything out of it IMMEDIATELY, it will still have an effect, just like all the other things i am putting into my head will.
anyways, having said that i still need help getting through lamentations and a few of the other prophets, haha. working on it though!
well i suppose i'll update later. have a good HOT HOT day!
<3
Thursday, July 15, 2010
sugar and spice, and all things nice
that does well to describe how my birthday weekend went. i was flattered with the presence of two groups of friends, one on friday night (my actual birthday) and one on saturday night. and endowed with many gifts including Life, the game of (though of course it is a good remind of another year of life...itself) bubble gum machine, cake (the carrot variety as well as the chocolate, and i want more cake!!) make up, yay it always makes me happy to be able to paint my face, and lots and lots of balloons. tehe almost like in UP. but not enough to lift heavy (or not so) little me up skyward.
anyhows it was a good birthday. thank you all who made it ever so special and to my wonderful parents and my overly excited brother who, i think, was mostly excited about getting cake. haha. and for playing taboo with me :D because i like playing games.
um. reminds me of my card playing days back in high school....
anyways. i got my cathater pulled out of my chest the other day, reduced the number of pills so i only have to take 3 instead of the assortment that would make even a grandmother in a retirement home proud, or queasy. um. all in all God has provided faithfully and beyond imagination, and has made becoming 20 a very good thing. i suppose turning 19 was not too bad either, but it was in a hospital...
anyways yesterday i developed a sore throat...umm... hope it's not what a sore throat usually means. ugh. having a good time playing monopoly with my brother and father, who insists on not buying property and losing very badly... oh well. this is why he's not in business - haha! joking.
nothing much to this update really. just thanks for all the friends who came, to my parents for putting up with me, and for the friends in chicago who sent me love and for not forgetting me (even though i've been gone for quite a long time) and for all the people still praying for me!
<3
anyhows it was a good birthday. thank you all who made it ever so special and to my wonderful parents and my overly excited brother who, i think, was mostly excited about getting cake. haha. and for playing taboo with me :D because i like playing games.
um. reminds me of my card playing days back in high school....
anyways. i got my cathater pulled out of my chest the other day, reduced the number of pills so i only have to take 3 instead of the assortment that would make even a grandmother in a retirement home proud, or queasy. um. all in all God has provided faithfully and beyond imagination, and has made becoming 20 a very good thing. i suppose turning 19 was not too bad either, but it was in a hospital...
anyways yesterday i developed a sore throat...umm... hope it's not what a sore throat usually means. ugh. having a good time playing monopoly with my brother and father, who insists on not buying property and losing very badly... oh well. this is why he's not in business - haha! joking.
nothing much to this update really. just thanks for all the friends who came, to my parents for putting up with me, and for the friends in chicago who sent me love and for not forgetting me (even though i've been gone for quite a long time) and for all the people still praying for me!
<3
Saturday, July 3, 2010
it's july already?
goodness, time goes by fast, does it not?
though i didn't feel that time went by so quickly when i was in school. i'd always be looking at the next deadline, and always wasting time, then rushing at the end to make it in time...what a funny thing, time is. we either always have too much or not enough.
well anyways, since the last post, my CMV virus (i think that's redundant...) is negative, which means it no longer poses as a threat, praise God! there are many things to praise God for this month. It's my birthday soon! It's the 4th of july, which is like a huge holiday (with lots of yummy foods i cant eat...haha)...i recently received a HUGE financial aid for my duke health bill, no more stress over money!! it's been a whole year since i've been diagnosed and i'm still alive, amazingly (considering how i treated myself when i first got sick, i'm surprised i didn't die, again...thank the Lord), and recovering! um i have T-cells again...which is a good thing i assure you. And there are much much more to praise God for, so i'll end my list here.
oh and i get a week off from going to clinic, thank goodness. though i've gotten pretty chummy with the nurses there. is that the right word?
anyways i think, as i am about to leave my teens forever, and become 20 in a few days, i have learned quite a lot this past year. one thing is the lesson of waiting, which produces hope patience faith, and whoa! it was a hard lesson. i'm still not really getting the hang of it. i know a lot of people are reading my blog and thinking that all i do is eat cookies and pizza everyday - and that is the complete opposite, but i blog about it, because it's a big deal in my life. i've used food as goal points - haha. like before i couldnt have any solid food, it was to have chicken noodles, and then after that (when i was only eating noodles and soup, gah that got so overused) my goal was rice and stirfried stuff, then PIZZA, and cookies and ice cream, now it's umm (haha) FRENCH FRIES. yummy.
but the point is, my dad told me that perhaps God took away my favorite thing to do (which is to eat), to teach me self discipline, control, and how to wait. i think this is very true. i was reading about abraham this morning, and seriously how long did HE have to wait for God's covanent? i mean he just packed up everything and moved but didnt really get to see it all happen (and not even completely) til the end of his life. but man, if anyone has immortality in the worldly sense (does that make sense?) it's abraham. there are mulitple nations that call him their ancestors, and he's known as the father of all of us christians, through faith...i suppose waiting can't be a terrible thing - haha. though i dont want to be a father of a nation...
and of course all my food goals are junk food because the healthy foods, i still cant have!! like corn (which will be my goal for next year july) and i REALLY want a salad. but gosh these raw things have germs.
anyways. waiting. i think that's what i'll be doing a lot during my 20th year of life. as well as this past year. well at least waiting before i can go back to school. but i think, like abraham, i will fill my waiting years with meaningful growth and "stuff"...for the lack of a better word.
anyways, thanks for reading! leave me comments if you like to :) i enjoy reading them.
<3
though i didn't feel that time went by so quickly when i was in school. i'd always be looking at the next deadline, and always wasting time, then rushing at the end to make it in time...what a funny thing, time is. we either always have too much or not enough.
well anyways, since the last post, my CMV virus (i think that's redundant...) is negative, which means it no longer poses as a threat, praise God! there are many things to praise God for this month. It's my birthday soon! It's the 4th of july, which is like a huge holiday (with lots of yummy foods i cant eat...haha)...i recently received a HUGE financial aid for my duke health bill, no more stress over money!! it's been a whole year since i've been diagnosed and i'm still alive, amazingly (considering how i treated myself when i first got sick, i'm surprised i didn't die, again...thank the Lord), and recovering! um i have T-cells again...which is a good thing i assure you. And there are much much more to praise God for, so i'll end my list here.
oh and i get a week off from going to clinic, thank goodness. though i've gotten pretty chummy with the nurses there. is that the right word?
anyways i think, as i am about to leave my teens forever, and become 20 in a few days, i have learned quite a lot this past year. one thing is the lesson of waiting, which produces hope patience faith, and whoa! it was a hard lesson. i'm still not really getting the hang of it. i know a lot of people are reading my blog and thinking that all i do is eat cookies and pizza everyday - and that is the complete opposite, but i blog about it, because it's a big deal in my life. i've used food as goal points - haha. like before i couldnt have any solid food, it was to have chicken noodles, and then after that (when i was only eating noodles and soup, gah that got so overused) my goal was rice and stirfried stuff, then PIZZA, and cookies and ice cream, now it's umm (haha) FRENCH FRIES. yummy.
but the point is, my dad told me that perhaps God took away my favorite thing to do (which is to eat), to teach me self discipline, control, and how to wait. i think this is very true. i was reading about abraham this morning, and seriously how long did HE have to wait for God's covanent? i mean he just packed up everything and moved but didnt really get to see it all happen (and not even completely) til the end of his life. but man, if anyone has immortality in the worldly sense (does that make sense?) it's abraham. there are mulitple nations that call him their ancestors, and he's known as the father of all of us christians, through faith...i suppose waiting can't be a terrible thing - haha. though i dont want to be a father of a nation...
and of course all my food goals are junk food because the healthy foods, i still cant have!! like corn (which will be my goal for next year july) and i REALLY want a salad. but gosh these raw things have germs.
anyways. waiting. i think that's what i'll be doing a lot during my 20th year of life. as well as this past year. well at least waiting before i can go back to school. but i think, like abraham, i will fill my waiting years with meaningful growth and "stuff"...for the lack of a better word.
anyways, thanks for reading! leave me comments if you like to :) i enjoy reading them.
<3
Thursday, June 10, 2010
quick update
hey peoples who have time to read this
how do you do.
since the last update, i got a virus, named CMV (don't know how to spell whatever it stands for...you can always look it up). i'm sure if you read my dad's calender, you will already know this. anyways, so i have been going to the clinic everyday for my antiviral meds and therefore have not had time to update the blog (though i always find a reason not to update, besides the obvious - that i'm lazy).
the foscarnet (the med for CMV) has given me funny side effects, like fuzzy vision, and numb face, and arms and legs. not exactly very fun. then i got a fever like last week monday? well it was during memorial day, and i had to go to the hospital at 5 am. then i got a bunch of antibiotics and had that going for a week. not that fun either. but now i don't have to go to clinic every day (yay!) since i'm getting the foscarnet iv at home, on a little pump.
also i've been doing much better, and have eaten PIZZA FINALLY!!!! and lasagna the other night. and lots of chocolate chip cookies...though my stomach has started to hurt again (opps... still don't know the exact reason) so my mom is not allowing me to eat cookies anymore :(
but i have faith that i will get better and better! God won't let me down. yay! generally speaking, i've been more happy than i have been when i could eat anything i wanted and could do anything i wanted during school last year. it's funny how ironic that is. hope you all learn that without having to have cancer.
i've also been very sad lately thinking about all the unfortunate families that have to experience death with cancer. my prayers are with them, though i cannot show another other ways of my concern.
well that is all for now! i can't believe i'm not blabbing on...
how do you do.
since the last update, i got a virus, named CMV (don't know how to spell whatever it stands for...you can always look it up). i'm sure if you read my dad's calender, you will already know this. anyways, so i have been going to the clinic everyday for my antiviral meds and therefore have not had time to update the blog (though i always find a reason not to update, besides the obvious - that i'm lazy).
the foscarnet (the med for CMV) has given me funny side effects, like fuzzy vision, and numb face, and arms and legs. not exactly very fun. then i got a fever like last week monday? well it was during memorial day, and i had to go to the hospital at 5 am. then i got a bunch of antibiotics and had that going for a week. not that fun either. but now i don't have to go to clinic every day (yay!) since i'm getting the foscarnet iv at home, on a little pump.
also i've been doing much better, and have eaten PIZZA FINALLY!!!! and lasagna the other night. and lots of chocolate chip cookies...though my stomach has started to hurt again (opps... still don't know the exact reason) so my mom is not allowing me to eat cookies anymore :(
but i have faith that i will get better and better! God won't let me down. yay! generally speaking, i've been more happy than i have been when i could eat anything i wanted and could do anything i wanted during school last year. it's funny how ironic that is. hope you all learn that without having to have cancer.
i've also been very sad lately thinking about all the unfortunate families that have to experience death with cancer. my prayers are with them, though i cannot show another other ways of my concern.
well that is all for now! i can't believe i'm not blabbing on...
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
summmerrrr is almost here!
which actually means very little to me, since it's not like i work, or go to school right now, so really it's summer 24-7 for me :D good times.
in fact, it has been a very good time for me. i don't think anyone would say they want cancer, but i think this has been a blessed time. even though i've mentioned this months before, the feeling is always renewed, and i feel very blessed to be with my family, to spend time with my parents and brother that i didn't have before. my brother insists that i look like a monk, since i wonder around the house always wearing this new red plaid poncho i bought from forever21 for like 4 dollars, and of course because i'm bald, haha. i enjoy my brother's company. then i like taking walks in the neighborhood with my dad, and we talk about life because we're that concerned with such grand ideas - haha. and then i bicker and banter with my mom on our way to the clinic or hospital, and at home while we do some cleaning. lately we've been working our way through all the junk on our bookshelf. we came across my brother's pre-k "year book" thing, and they had quotes from all of the students. some of my brother's were "it's better to be late than a duck" (don't really know what that means...) and "my father knows my mother worries him" (said by a 4 year old, made me laugh really hard) and "too much of a good thing is helpless".
i think God gives wisdom to little kids just to humble us old ones, it's quite a pleasent and shocking thing to discover. my mother and i had a good laugh over some of the stuff we found. and we found a bunch of cards from friends and church members, which always reminds me of how much support we have through hard times. i was reading a devotional today about how God ordains 2 entities, the family and the church. it's good to know that both have been there for me through this time, and blessed to know that i have both, some people only have one, or none.
anyways, i've been doing much better lately. havent had any bloody anythings since my last post, and finding that faith really does take patience, and healing really does take a lot of faith. i think a lot of times, we as christians don't get anything done, or can't achieve the "great things" we see other spiritual giants do because we don't believe that God can do it. of course you're thinking "that's silly, OF COURSE God can do anything" but when it comes down to facing those waves and storm, it's hard to still hold onto it right? i've been listening to sermons on tape, and this pastor was talking about the way God does things - and how a lot of times things don't get accomplished because 1. we dont have the right mindset/heart 2. it's not that God doesn't want to do it, or that He doesn't want to use us, but we don't believe that the God who placed the stars in the sky can, say for example, heal a simple GI blood. after all what is my intestines to the galaxy? umm...what is man to God's glory.
so it's a good thing i learned this lesson, or perhaps i would have prevented my healing for even longer. but no more! and i am healed! just now on the road to recovery. so my weight is still a little below (or a lot?) what it should be, at 115 lbs for a 5'8''...I lost like 30lbs in this transplant process...goodness! but anyways God sustains, and i've been eating a great deal more than a pear! (hehe) i've also been grocery shopping a couple times now (masked and looking like a bandit, or even worse, a person with swine flu or SARS or something - yes people run away from me in public, how embarassing). but grocery shopping has been a good way to be introduced back into the world of people (even if they run away from the bald masked lady - or is it a man? i dont think they can tell until i open my mouth) soon (hopefully) i will be allowed to attend church! and have visitors! yay!
i am hopeful and ever faithful in my never changing, ever loving God. you should too :)
until next time, cheerios (honey nut)!
<3
in fact, it has been a very good time for me. i don't think anyone would say they want cancer, but i think this has been a blessed time. even though i've mentioned this months before, the feeling is always renewed, and i feel very blessed to be with my family, to spend time with my parents and brother that i didn't have before. my brother insists that i look like a monk, since i wonder around the house always wearing this new red plaid poncho i bought from forever21 for like 4 dollars, and of course because i'm bald, haha. i enjoy my brother's company. then i like taking walks in the neighborhood with my dad, and we talk about life because we're that concerned with such grand ideas - haha. and then i bicker and banter with my mom on our way to the clinic or hospital, and at home while we do some cleaning. lately we've been working our way through all the junk on our bookshelf. we came across my brother's pre-k "year book" thing, and they had quotes from all of the students. some of my brother's were "it's better to be late than a duck" (don't really know what that means...) and "my father knows my mother worries him" (said by a 4 year old, made me laugh really hard) and "too much of a good thing is helpless".
i think God gives wisdom to little kids just to humble us old ones, it's quite a pleasent and shocking thing to discover. my mother and i had a good laugh over some of the stuff we found. and we found a bunch of cards from friends and church members, which always reminds me of how much support we have through hard times. i was reading a devotional today about how God ordains 2 entities, the family and the church. it's good to know that both have been there for me through this time, and blessed to know that i have both, some people only have one, or none.
anyways, i've been doing much better lately. havent had any bloody anythings since my last post, and finding that faith really does take patience, and healing really does take a lot of faith. i think a lot of times, we as christians don't get anything done, or can't achieve the "great things" we see other spiritual giants do because we don't believe that God can do it. of course you're thinking "that's silly, OF COURSE God can do anything" but when it comes down to facing those waves and storm, it's hard to still hold onto it right? i've been listening to sermons on tape, and this pastor was talking about the way God does things - and how a lot of times things don't get accomplished because 1. we dont have the right mindset/heart 2. it's not that God doesn't want to do it, or that He doesn't want to use us, but we don't believe that the God who placed the stars in the sky can, say for example, heal a simple GI blood. after all what is my intestines to the galaxy? umm...what is man to God's glory.
so it's a good thing i learned this lesson, or perhaps i would have prevented my healing for even longer. but no more! and i am healed! just now on the road to recovery. so my weight is still a little below (or a lot?) what it should be, at 115 lbs for a 5'8''...I lost like 30lbs in this transplant process...goodness! but anyways God sustains, and i've been eating a great deal more than a pear! (hehe) i've also been grocery shopping a couple times now (masked and looking like a bandit, or even worse, a person with swine flu or SARS or something - yes people run away from me in public, how embarassing). but grocery shopping has been a good way to be introduced back into the world of people (even if they run away from the bald masked lady - or is it a man? i dont think they can tell until i open my mouth) soon (hopefully) i will be allowed to attend church! and have visitors! yay!
i am hopeful and ever faithful in my never changing, ever loving God. you should too :)
until next time, cheerios (honey nut)!
<3
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