brightening up day -4

helloooo.

so today was much better than yesterday. i think i was feel so restless and pointless yesterday because of the compasine (spelling error?) that they gave me, which is a drug for antinausea, but it has steriods in it, so it makes you kinda restless. let me tell you, that is not a good feeling, at all. not being able to sit down and do anything is like leading a pointless existance.

also last night, because of this compasine drug that they gave me, my jaws start twitching to one side, like the lower jaw would keep twitching to the left side, it scared me alot. they gave me some traquilizer and a heat pack to calm me down. but i was pretty freaked out.

it's a really good thing that my mom comes everyday to stay with me for most of the day, otherwise i would be totally lost. it's times like these that i realize how blessed i am to have such a supportive family, and i konw i've said this before, but i'm feeling it ever so much now. my mom being here makes me smile, and helps me get through the hard tasks of the day, and the restlessness, and when she leaves at night, it really makes me tear up, because i think how much i love my mother, and how much she must love me, to go through with all of this with me.
i am also very greatful to my father and brother, they've been skyping (video conferencing with me)from home. it's been an enjoyable experience.
i am crying as i type this, because i am over come with emotion.

well onto the latest news. i started TBI today, which is total body irradiation. basically they have this huge machine and they shine radioactive waves onto me, while i sit crawled up in this strange position. i had to go at 6:45 am and then again at 3pm. usually though it's from 7-9am and 1-3pm, but the actual radiation exposure is not for 3 hours, it just takes a long time to set up, it actually is only about 10 minutes, give or take. if you could, or find time to pray during those times in your day, please pray that God will protect all of my internal orgrans from damage, since i would love to be able to have them healthy after the transplant! I also prayed throughout the radiation, for protectionand praise for allthe people praying for me.

well it's day 04, and so that means i have day -3, -2, and -1 before my actual transplant. hopefully God will be merciful to me and not let me stay in the hospital for too long, i hate feeling like a caged bird, and i do want to go home, and breath the fresh air.
but it does give perspective to normal living, the things we usually take granted for.

anyways, i'm glad i'm not as restless today, and can sit down and type all of this for people who follow on my situation. thanks again, and your care is not forgotten!
I love you mom and dad, and aaron! :)