passing by day +3

thank you all for your encouraging/funny/amusing comments! they help me pass time and gives me things to think about, other wise i might go insane.

quick update. so 3 days ago, friday i got my cord blood. it was a lot like a blood transfusion, for those who are wondering. it tastes and smells like rotten cabbage when they put it through the iv though, my mom was complaining that i stank, haha. it went in pretty successfully, no bloody urine, or any other weird complications. praise God! it really is just step by step, though for me it seems like the steps are getting longer and harder.
so the last few days, it was just waiting around, i guess for all my cells to grow back, or rather - the new cells. i got one from a baby boy A+, from illinois, and another A+ girl from washington state. i guess that means i will no longer be B+ but A+, so strange how things like that can change, though it seems permanent right? I mean there are things in life you expect to be the same, but down to your blood type, it can change. but its a good thing i know God never changes, always faithful.

so now to waiting. my hemoglobin (if you want to be so technical) is about 9.9, white blood cell <0.1 (THAT IS LITTLE) platelets 35 or something. the regular range for hemoglobin is 12-15 (this is from the top of my head, not accurate), white blood cell 3.5-10 and platelets 150 up. so thats just a comparative. i think it'll stay low, or get lower, in the next week, then hopefully it'll start to rise! then i can go home.

i know a lot of people think i'm being really positive and great through this whole ordeal, but i have to confess i have been anything but. my mom says she noticed my mood go down drastically this past week. i guess i'm just not used to waiting, and i dont do a very good job waiting either. before, my life was like that of the american fast food life, results immediately, satisfaction now. but waiting for something as minuscule as blood cells to grow back to normal so i can leave the hospital, i think i am having a lot of trouble with. of course i still take it hour by hour, day by day, and praise God when i can eat my food, and when the day is over. but it seems so tiring so straining. i'm very bad at waiting patiently.
but today i tried to put it in perspective, because that's what God gives christians right? eyes that can see. somewhat, in a blurry mirror reflection (but one day we will see clearly!). so i was thinking. all of this misery and awfulness, this is just one short chapter in a very fullfilling life that God has prepared for me, in the future. so i thought about the future, of course no one can ever plan, or really worry about the future because that's silly to do and call God, God. but i thought to the possibilities, to life, and i felt a little better. i guess it's just to help me pass time.
i thought about all my friends and all the separate ways life will take us, and how after i'm better, because i'll be able to attend a friend's wedding sometime, going back to school i'll befriend people that i never though i would because i no longer need to judge people like i used to, and how i'm going to deffinitely go to chinatown and eat my heart out, and all the fun things life has to offer. i think after this i will be able to praise God for even more. my mom even talked about, how after i'm all better she'll only work part time, and we can run up a little business or something cute like that - haha.

i was thinking, this is kind of like walking on water. you know, peter was called out to walk on water, in the middle of a storm, why? perhaps to test his faith, perhaps to build faith, perhaps so he could get a taste of the glory and power that Jesus Christ has, and is our inheritance. it's definitely an honor, but also quite the test. jesus never said "walk to me, because blah blah blah" it's a simple command and when we follow i think the rewards we reap are so much more than the pain experienced. i mean peter can say "i walked on water!" who can say that? not i. of course right now i'm like at the point where it's hard to hold on, because i see the stormy clouds, and the vicious waves and i'm lacking, and perhaps slipping into a little of a "why me pity" mood. but it never lasts too long, because i have to remember to praise God! and i guess when it's all over, i can say "i walked on water" but not exactly...haha, maybe one day.

anyways it's been hard because my whole GI tract is like messed up, from my tongue and taste buds to my stomach to my intestines. it's hard to keep food down, i threw up a few days ago (well, i've been throwing up) and every time i eat it's like a battle. remember how i said i love to eat, and a lot of good memories came from those times? gosh, i try to hold on to that as i swallow little by little. but i must right? to get better. it's just hard, i wont lie.
but no servant is greater than the master, and Jesus gave it all for me, so i guess fighting on is a must. so i tell myself.

but praise God, i think my intestines and stomach is getting stronger ad stronger, i havent vomited for 2 days! it's progress, even if it sounds silly. i'm very greatful to my parents, and other people from church who have made buns and stuff, my parents send me food everyday, so i can avoid eating hospital food (which def will make me throw up)

so lately i've been listening to pandora.com it's an online radio, and it plays songs of a similar genre and stuff, so i've been listening to chris tomlin, hillsong, david crowder, jeremy camp, those kinda people (christian music) and singing along. it's a good stress reliever, though i dont sing well, and i'm sure the nurses think i'm insane. so i dont sing too loudly (plus i have no energy to belt out in song) once i was singing, and i just felt so relieved of my burden, i just broke down and cried and sang as i cried. i think that's an acceptable way to worship too, just coming very very bare before the Lord, i think psalms david does so, many times. it's quite a blessed time.

elder yeh brought me some interesting christian movies, so i think i'll be watching those the next few days with my mom. i'm excited. i started "this much i know" by wally lamb, given to me, like i said, by my good friend jing xi. usually during the day though, it's morning i get up brush and wash. then i lay in bed until my mom comes and then i eat rice porridge and buns. then i lay in my bed while i try to digest that, it comes up every once in a while. then i go out to walk in the halls for a very short time, but lately i'm always tired and weak. i cant even walk up straight, i'm bent like an old lady haha. then i come back and take a nap and then eat and then try to dissolve and then walk some more. then it's dinner time, and my mom helps me wash, and then leave, and then i sing my songs, update my blog, go onnline and watch tv shows until around 9pm ish and i try to sleep (with help from drugs). it's a SUPER exciting life, right? haha i'm just holding on to what i can do with my new life, when i'm out of here. thought some of you would like to know the detail (boring, yes?) of my life.

my dad told me that his small group brothers and sisters want to get me a christmas gift, how nice! we spent 20 minutes on the phone trying to figure out what i wanted. i didnt want anything, pda? no...art stuff? no.. anything electronic? nooo... but then i remembered that when i get better, i will get back to sewing and making clothes, so i thought of some useful things. maybe i'll post pictures of them later, since it's hard to explain what they are. i told my dad i'd post some pictures. but i think it's so nice for so many aunties and uncles to care for me so much! at first my dad was like 'what do you want?' "I want to go hoooooome!!!" haha.

hoping for that day! hope hope hope, forever.